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Psychoboy ~

PB: ... "Is there a bible that I can read, without knowing ancient greek, or ancient hebrew, that makes any sense?"

Yes; many good translations are available online: the English Standard Version, the Holman Christian Standard Version, the very literal New American Standard Version, and the very non-literal Contemporary English Version. The Bible Gateway site and Bible.org (home of the NET translation) might be good places to begin your search.

PB: "Is there a bible that says, in english, "and Mary gave Jesus a big hug, and Jesus said 'whoa, back off. We aren't like that.'"."

No.

PB: "If this is what the bible actually says, why doesn't any bible actually say it?"

That's /not/ what the Bible explicitly says; it's a valid deduction from the text that Mary was holding onto Jesus when He told her "Stop holding on to me," but if translators started putting their deductions into the text, it wouldn't be a Bible translation anymore; it'd be a mixture of translation and commentary -- what I call a "hyper-paraphrase." There is one hyper-paraphrase that might fit the description of what you're asking for: "The Message," an interpretive hyper-paraphrase by Eugene Peterson. But if you use "The Message," be sure to read the preface of the book carefully, so that you understand what it is and what it is not. I wouldn't dream of using "The Message" for serious doctrinal study. But if you just want an English text that makes sense, it might be what you're looking for.

Yours in Christ,

Waterrock

Psychoboy ~

PB: "It seems that you have admitted that the bible doesn't explicitly say what you believe it says."

No; I have said that the Bible doesn't explicitly say what I believe it /means./

PB: "So is your interpretation of this verse a valid translation, or is it a hyper-paraphrase?"

Neither. My interpretation is exactly that: an interpretation. The text implies that Mary was not frozen in place and that she was clinging to Jesus. Whether this was a hug or something else (say, embracing His feet) is not stated. But Jesus' words are a response to her act and the sentiment accompanying it; they were not a general prohibition against touching Jesus after the resurrection.

Yours in Christ,

Waterrock